Chapter 17: The Game

24 Sep

Ah, the infamous baseball chapter. I’ve been looking forward to this one.

If you remember, one of the first things we learn about Bella is how much she hates sports (due to her clumsy disease) and how much she particularly hates baseball. Nevertheless, she decides to go watch Edward play vampire baseball.

It takes us a while to get there, though. Edward first drives Bella home for the afternoon, but Billy and Jacob are once again in Bella’s driveway. They are really good at showing up the same time as Edward. Edward demands that Bella “get rid of them” (nice) and he’ll be back around dusk.

Bella shows the Blacks inside, and is incredibly rude to Billy while ignoring Jacob altogether.

Bella lies to keep Billy from going to find Charlie, I’m assuming so Billy won’t tell Charlie about Edward. Oh Bella, your boyfriend is making you into a manipulative little bitch. Billy tries to warn Bella that Edward is bad news, but Bella is incredibly rude to him, even though he is her dad’s best friend, is a kind old man, and is a guest in her house.

When Bella finally “gets rid” of Billy and Jacob, Jess calls. Remember Jess? It’s okay, Bella forgot about her, too, so don’t feel too bad about it. Jess wants to talk about the dance, but now that Bella is dating an Olda Boy, Bella doesn’t care to hear about Jess’ first kiss or anything. Not only is Edward turning Bella against her family, but her friends, too.

Charlie comes home, and Bella finally tells him she is dating Edward. Charlie nearly dies and tells Bella that “Edwin” is too mature for her. IF YOU ONLY KNEW THE HALF OF IT, CHARLIE

It is at this moment that Edward shows up, and he and Charlie have some weird, strained conversation before Bella zips out the door with Edward and they speed away in a giant Jeep.

He leaned over to kiss the top of my head, and then groaned. I looked at him, puzzled.

“You smell so good in the rain,” he explained.

Weirdest. Compliment. Ever.

They get to the edge of the forest, and Edward tells Bella they are going to run. Bella is afraid of riding on Edward’s back while he runs because she nearly got sick last time, and seriously, I’d be terrified too. Instead of making sure Bella feels safe and doesn’t have to do anything she is uncomfortable with, Edward totally manipulates her into agreeing with what he wants. I’m just going to leave this here so you can see.

He fought back a smile. Then he bent his head down and touched his cold lips softly to the hollow at the base of my throat. “Are you still worried now?” he murmured against my skin.

“Yes.” I struggled to concentrate. “About hitting trees and getting sick.”

His nose drew a line up the skin of my throat to the point of my chin. His cold breath tickled my skin. “And now?” His lips whispered against my jaw.

“Trees,” I gasped. “Motion sickness.”

He lifted his face to kiss my eyelids. “Bella, you don’t really think I would hit a tree, do you?”

“No, but I might.” There was no confidence in my voice.

He smelled an easy victory. He kissed slowly down my cheek, stopping just at the corner of my mouth.

“Would I let a tree hurt you?” His lips barely brushed against my trembling lower lip.

“No,” I breathed. I knew there was a second part to my brilliant defense, but I couldn’t quite call it back.

“You see,” he said, his lips moving against mine. “There’s nothing to be afraid of, is there?”

“No,” I sighed, giving up. Then he took my face in his hands almost roughly, and kissed me in earnest, his unyielding lips moving against mine.

He then gets angry at Bella for “tempting him.” Blaming women for making men thing “immoral” thoughts? Try telling me there aren’t any religious undertones here. Just try.

Finally, they get to the clearing where the other Cullens are waiting to play some baseball.

“Let’s go.” Alice reached for Emmett’s hand and they darted toward the oversized field; she ran like a gazelle.

Okay, I know this is supposed to be a metaphor, but since Smeyer doesn’t know how to put a metaphor together (“She ran as gracefully as a gazelle” would be much more appropriate), all I can picture is Alice on all fours, bounding literally like a gazelle.

[Edward] snickered and, after mussing my hair, bounded off after the other two. His run was more aggressive, a cheetah rather than a gazelle, and he quickly overtook them.

I spent a while on YouTube looking for the perfect nature video to illustrate for you how ridiculous Alice and Edward look in my head, thanks to Smeyer’s embarrassing writing.

That ridiculous gazelle hop at the end, oh my goodness.

In a small conversation between Bella and Esme, we learn that Esme lost a baby, then threw herself off a cliff in grief. So the poor woman wanted to die, only to be turned immortal because Carlisle wanted to make a wife.

They begin to play baseball. Bella has to ask what a strike is, which is ridiculous. You’re trying to tell me someone who has been living in America for 17 years doesn’t know what a strike is? I hate sports, my family never watched sports, but even I know what a strike is! Bella seems to know what a home run is, though, and what an inning is, too. She also goes on to comment how “intelligently” Edward is playing. I’m sorry, maybe this is me getting too picky, but when the narrator of the story says things that are impossible for them to know, it drives me crazy. Bella hates baseball and all sports, so how would she know how “intelligently” Edward is playing? Then again, when has Meyer ever cared about character?

I looked up on YouTube (after looking for nature videos) what the baseball scene looked like. I didn’t really want to touch on movie stuff until it was movie time, but oh man, I have to show you this clip. It is precisely on with the book, and if I didn’t know any better, I would have thought this was a parody. It’s not. It’s really not. Please, watch:

If you don’t think this clip is absolutely ridiculous, over-the-top, and terrible, I really don’t know how to explain it to you. The cheesiness is amazing.

Also, what is with Jasper looking like such a douche? (Or is that Emmett? I can’t tell).

At the end, Alice can sense other vampires coming, which is bad news for Bella. This is where the chapter ends. It had better result in something happening, because if I have to wait any longer than 17 chapters and over 300 pages for anything resembling plot or conflict to arise, I’m going to quit.

On another note, I can’t wait to see this movie. It’s going to be a pot of gold. Terrible, cheesy gold.


2 Responses to “Chapter 17: The Game”

  1. jmjbookblog September 24, 2010 at 7:47 pm #

    I read the four Twilight books twice and yet your blog has given me a whole new perspective on all these scenes. I still love the book and the movies are still my favorite to watch when I am bored by TV shows but it’s really great reading your blog and seeing everything from another angle. I know that the next time I read Twilight I will have the picture of that gazelle in my head! lol Thanks so much…you give me something to look forward to in my mailbox…can’t wait for Chapter 18!! :) Have you seen the “Twilight”, “New Moon” or “Eclipse” movie yet?

    • Amy-jean September 25, 2010 at 12:40 am #

      I’m so happy to hear that. I’m also so happy that you enjoy reading my blog even though you love Twilight and so far I pretty much hate it. MOSTLY I’m happy that the gazelle is in your head now :D
      I think I might have seen the first ten minutes or so of the first movie, but I’m really not sure. I haven’t seen anything more than trailers for the others. After each book, I’ll be doing reviews of the movies… and I’m thinking about reviewing them in video-blog format. It’ll be fun.

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