Chapter 20: Impatience

11 Oct

I’m not sure if “impatience” is the right word, but it’s something like that.

In this episode of Girl & Twilight, Bella sits in a hotel room in Phoenix, looks at a telephone, memorizes the patterns on the walls, eats a few pieces of fruit, whines, complains, blames herself endlessly, and suggests that she might actually die without Edward by her side.

Look, I’m getting pretty pissed off at this point. This whole time, I’ve honestly been trying to look for the good parts of this book. I’ve been trying to find proof that it is more than fanfiction-grade writing. I’ve been trying to figure out how this thing actually got published, and trying to discover what everyone loves about it.

After 20 chapters, after FOUR HUNDRED PAGES, the major conflict is that a vampire wants to eat Bella, and it’s not Edward. There has been no character growth. No one has moved beyond who they were 400 pages ago. We haven’t learned anything. There are no overreaching themes to the story, and the plot is chugging along so slowly and so sporadically I have a hard time admitting it even exists.

This particular chapter is a real testament to Smeyer’s “skills.” It is 17 pages of nothing happening. Nothing at all. 17 pages of Bella whining and nearly crawling into a small, dark corner to await death because she is apart from Edward. Not healthy, kids.

You can read on about what happens, but you may prefer to gaze upon the Hypnotoad for a few hours instead.

 

ALL GLORY AND POWER TO THE HYPNOTOAD

 

Bella wakes up in a hotel room.It’s 3am. She says she can’t remember how she got there, but then she launches into a several-page description of how they got there. Alice and Jasper drove there in a day, which is made to sound like a big deal, when Google Maps says it’s only a 27 hour trip (you know Smeyer checked too). Way to go, guys, you saved 3 hours.

Eventually Bella goes to sit with Alice and Jasper. They have to wait for Carlisle to call, Alice says. So they do. Bella stares at the phone and frets about Edward. She frets about being a burden. Really, nothing is happening. It’s almost as bad as that time that Bella narrated going on the internet. Except worse, because we are almost at the end of the book and things SHOULD be happening.

It’s almost as if Smeyer is trying to make us “feel like the characters” but she hasn’t nearly figured out how to accomplish this without boring us nearly to death.

Suddenly, Alice has a vision and says that James will be in a room filled with mirrors later on today. She draws a picture of it, and Bella somehow recognizes it as the dance studio near her house that she hasn’t seen in ten years. Really, a dance studio is in the future. Time for some vampire ballet to go with the vampire baseball.

Edward calls. Damn, this is so frustrating. Things start happening, then abruptly stop. Or, all sorts of crazy nonsense will just start happening rapidly out of nowhere. Smeyer has no fucking clue how to craft a story with any basic flow.

Once Bella realizes that James might be going to the dance studio near her house, she decides she has to call her mum, Renée, and leaves a message to warn her not to leave Florida.

And um… that’s all, everyone. Sorry this is so short?

With any luck, I should be done Twilight by the end of the week. And then it is movie time! If anyone has a copy of New Moon or the Twilight movie they want to lend me, that would be awesome. I don’t want to give Meyer a cent of my money, and if I can avoid downloading the movie while still getting it for free, that would be sweet. Right now I’m using PDF copies of the novels, but I would rather use a hard copy so I can cite quotations and stuff.

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8 Responses to “Chapter 20: Impatience”

  1. jmjbookblog October 11, 2010 at 7:58 pm #

    Once again I enjoyed your summary of Twilight. I am looking forward to Chapter 21! And I absolutely LOVE your hypnotoad!! Awesome!!!

    • Amy-jean October 12, 2010 at 10:49 am #

      All glory and power to the Hypnotoad!

  2. Sarah October 11, 2010 at 11:54 pm #

    I sent you a link on tumblr where you can download the movie for free, I hope the links work. By the way, I love reading your analysis on Twilight. I remember back before the fourth book came out, I read them and swooned. Then I read the fourth book and it just dawned on me how terrible the books were (I think we’re all allowed to like stupid things in high school). Now, I’m just shocked at how many people don’t realize how abusive the relationship between Edward and Bella really is. Why someone would want that, I have no idea.

    Also, love the hypnotoad. :)

    • Sarah October 11, 2010 at 11:55 pm #

      So, I totally just re-read your statement about not wanting to download. But if you need to as a last resort, I hope the site I sent helps.

      • Amy-jean October 12, 2010 at 10:49 am #

        Thanks a million for that link, though! I hate torrenting something if it’s mega-popular because it’s more likely to be full of viruses and stuff. Your link should be safe, so I’ll defs save it in case I can’t find a DVD.

        I definitely remember not thinking anything was wrong with the books (besides bad writing) when I first read the first two in high school. However, I’m finding I remember pretty much nothing about them, so I really must have skimmed them.

        I’m happy you like my take, so thanks for reading :) And for following on tumblr! :)

        • Sarah October 12, 2010 at 10:16 pm #

          I hate torrenting too. I’m too paranoid for that, so I just find ways to get around it.

          I think if I tried to read them now, I probably wouldn’t remember anything (my mind might be blocking things out to save me though lol). Honestly, I only read them for Alice and Jasper.

          • Amy-jean October 13, 2010 at 12:58 pm #

            So far, I like Alice and Jasper. And so far, I really like Jacob, although something in my memory banks is telling me that might be about to change come the second book.

          • Amy-jean October 13, 2010 at 12:59 pm #

            Anyway TeAm ChaRLiE 4eVa~*

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