Chapter 23: The Angel

27 Oct

In this chapter of Twilight… well, it’s 4 pages long. We’re at the climax of the story and this chapter is 4 pages long. Since everything that happens can be summarized in one sentence, all I can do is mercilessly pick apart all of the stupid contained in these four pages.

The chapter opens where the last chapter left off (why are they separate chapters? why?) with Bella narrating how she is unconscious. There are a couple of vague paragraphs in which Meyer seems to be trying to be poetic and dramatic and metaphorical. Oh, kids, it’s so melodramatic.

And then I knew I was dead.

Because, through the heavy water, I heard the sound of an angel calling my name, calling me to the only heaven I wanted.

I’m not really sure what that means but it sounds like the title of a trashy romance novel. ‘The only heaven I wanted’?

Bella keeps talking about what is obviously Edward as the “weeping angel” (some SERIOUS psychological scars from Doctor Who are currently surfacing in me) as Edward and The Cullens describe, in yet more detail, Bella’s various and numerous injuries.


I can't believe I just googled "weeping angels" to put this photo on my blog. I'm so freaked out right now, thanks, Bella.


It’s so irritatingly CONVENIENT that the Cullens showed up at the exact moment when Bella passed out. It’s the same as in movies, when the firefighters show up and rescue that one trapped kid JUST as the building collapses, or whatever. It’s in like, every action movie ever, and it’s just the worst. So of course Meyer uses this device in her novel.

Also, how did the Cullens manage to catch James off-guard? Meyer had better explain this in the next chapter or something. In the last chapter, James specifically said that he would know if other vampires were near. But fuck continuity, right?

Where IS James, anyway? Did they kill him? Just like that, no fanfare or anything? This is the most frustrating chapter of all time.

Bella is delusional and thinks her hand is on fire. She regains consciousness (kind of?) and starts screaming at the Cullens, asking them why can’t they see the fire and why won’t they put it out. It is at this point that I back away, slowly.

Turns out Bella’s hand isn’t on fire at all; James bit her. The only solution (apparently) is for Edward to suck the venom out of Bella’s blood. I don’t know why it has to be Edward that does this (apart from letting him be the knight in shining armour who saves little Bella, oh gag me), but the Cullens keep stressing that Edward must be the one to do it.

I don’t really ‘get’ how Meyer’s vampires are supposed to work. So… when they bite someone, they inject venom, turning them into a vampire if they don’t die? So the venom must be in their teeth. Because apparently venom can be sucked out. I don’t really understand this, at all, and Meyer DOESN’T ELABORATE ON THIS AT ALL.

Edward sucks out the venom, just like that, without infecting Bella with his own venom.

In addition to everyone making creepy comments about Bella’s smell all throughout the book (and Bella not being phased by it at all), we get this little gem:

“Her blood tastes clean,” Edward said quietly. “I can taste the morphine.”

Please someone come end my suffering

In case we forgot, Bella is still unnaturally obsessed with Edward

I heard my favorite sound in the world: Edward’s quiet laugh, weak with relief.

What do you even mean by this, Bella? That you love it when Edward’s laugh is ‘weak with relief’? If so, that is very creepy. Or do you just mean your favourite sound is his laugh in general? WHY CAN’T YOU WRITE SIMPLE, CLEAR SENTENCES? Regardless, you have been dating this guy for like, two weeks, and he is already your favourite everything?  Get over yourself.

And then… it just ends. Bella goes to sleep. I think this blog entry is longer than the chapter.

On the bright side, I will be finished Twilight this week! For real this time. This weekend I’ll be watching the movie, and doing a video blog about it. I have never done a video blog before, so it might take a few days to get up, but it should be good. Then, it’s on to New Moon.


9 Responses to “Chapter 23: The Angel”

  1. arallyn October 27, 2010 at 1:47 pm #

    So I figure that vamp fangs in Meyer’s world are like snake fangs…they can bite you and envenomate you if they want to, but when the fangs are folded back they don’t do squat. Not really sure why Eddy had to suck out the venom (which btw would be pointless if she wasn’t dead/without heartbeat; snake venom moves into the circulatory system and away from the bite site almost instantly…the only venom that stays near the bite area is spider venom and there’s no point sucking that shit out). I assume that it’s because bisexuality and/or infidelity is not Mormon. Presumably Smeyer would also be against mouth-to-mouth resuscitation by anyone besides the spouse/future spouse. Fuck you, stranger, I’m not married to you!

    • Amy-jean October 28, 2010 at 12:29 am #

      Ah, folding the fangs back. See, retractable fangs would have been a good thing for Meyer to mention.
      It didn’t even cross my mind that the venom OBVIOUSLY would have spread to her heart and, you know, her entire body. Maybe vampires… are like mosquitoes? Someone… end my suffering.
      Probably it’s another Mormon thing, you’re right. That would explain why it’s not elaborated on, because Meyer thinks everyone else in the world thinks the same way she does. Fucking Smeyer…

  2. JMJ October 27, 2010 at 6:21 pm #

    It’s been a while since I read Twilight and I didn’t even remember this chapter! Maybe his family thought he would not trust any of them to stop sucking out the venom in time not to kill Bella…he was always very possessive…so they made sure it was him that saved her. It’s mind boggling how many billions of dollars have been made around these books!

    • Amy-jean October 28, 2010 at 12:30 am #

      Haha, I am not shocked that you don’t remember this chapter. I think it’s just Meyer wanted Edward to be Bella’s saviour or whatever, or what Arallyn said in the last comment about Mormon times. It’s really difficult to underestimate the amount of Mormon in this novel.

  3. Li October 28, 2010 at 10:44 am #

    One of my friends and I were reading this during our popular culture class, and we tried SO HARD to not burst into laughter. FYI, her parents are Mormon, and this is what she said: “haha…man, they should put them (Twilight books) in the Church…(keep giggling)”

    Really, nothing personal against the religion, but your blog is precious.

    • Amy-jean October 28, 2010 at 3:04 pm #

      Oh, I think by now I have a few personal things against a lot of Mormon stuff, or at least Meyer’s particular interpretation of her religion, so don’t worry about offending anyone.
      I am super-happy I entertained you guys in class (I actually wrote this chapter review in class!)

  4. Li October 28, 2010 at 3:35 pm #

    Oh, silly me.
    I recommended this site to my prof…for pop culture class.
    I hope she doesn’t read the comments.

    • Andrew October 28, 2010 at 11:58 pm #

      Say you were… doing research!
      If I get a spike in my blog views I shall have Li to thank :D

      • Amy-jean October 29, 2010 at 12:04 am #

        Oh, um, that was me. Andrew left himself logged in on my lappy and I didn’t notice.

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