Chapter 10: The Meadow

13 Feb

In this episode of Girl & Twilight, Bella becomes an obsessive stalker as her life once again begins a swift downward spiral into a crappy emo song. Even crazier now that Jacob is gone, she heads into the woods to find the meadow and (SPOILER ALERT) finds it just in time for Smeyer to do that foreshadowing thing again. Let’s read this thing.

Jacob doesn’t call Bella the next day, so Bella calls him instead. Billy picks up, and very brusquely tells her that Jacob is sick and won’t be able to talk or see her for a while. This sends Bella into total stalker mode. I mean, she makes Edward look like an amateur. She calls Jacob “several times a day for the next two days” but no one picks up (why, I wonder), and she even goes to the hospital to ask if Jacob is staying there. He isn’t. Still unsatisfied and suspicious, Bella makes Charlie call Harry Clearwater to inquire into Jacob’s illness. Harry says that Jacob has mono.

Bella decides she’ll “give Billy a week” before she, I don’t know, breaks into his house.

Luckily for us, Smeyer doesn’t spend too many pages talking about Bella’s Jacobless week. Despite her promise to herself to lay off on the creeping, Bella calls the Black’s three times that week anyway, though no one answers. She starts having fits again, waking up screaming and talking about how her life is nothing but a gaping void of nothingness. She still hasn’t gotten any psychiatric help, I see.

Finally, a week passes and Bella calls. Billy picks up this time to say Jacob didn’t end up having mono after all and he is fine now, but he went to Port Angeles for the day to hang out with his friends.

Which leaves Bella forever alone again, and boy, is she ever not taking it well.

Although she spent the last chapter telling Jacob to move on and stop wasting his time on her since she’s still not over that other guy, Bella is devastated that Jacob seems to have actually taken her advice. Charlie stumbles upon Bella rapidly losing her mind in the kitchen, and asks her if she wants him to stay home with her. Bella talks Charlie into spending the day fishing by lying to him again, saying she’ll study with Jessica all day. Before Charlie leaves, he makes Bella promise not to go into the woods because there is another bear attacking and kidnapping people or whatever.

I wasn’t really listening to his warnings; I was much more upset by the situation with Jacob than by the possibility of being eaten by a bear. (pg. 231)

Awesome, Bella, I’m really happy for you.

I wasn’t going to call Jessica. As far as I could tell, Jessica had crossed over to the dark side. (pg.232)

What does that even mean? Is Smeyer trying to win points by making a Star Wars reference? Or is the dark side just full of regular people who have finally had enough of Bella’s shit?

I could drive to La Push and get my motorcycle – an appealing thought but for one minor problem: who was going to drive me to the emergency room if I needed it afterward? (pg.232)

What the fuck. Do people actually factor things like this into their plans?

Naturally, Bella decides the best thing to do would be ignore Charlie’s one request and go hiking in the woods, alone, searching for the meadow again because somehow finding it will do something. Anyway, we already know Bella is going to find the meadow since that is the title of this chapter, so let’s just skip through the pages of Bella stumbling through the woods and talking about how ~*empty inside*~ she is.

When Bella finds the meadow (and Smeyer writes as if this accomplishment is surprising), she loses her mind yet again.

If I’d discovered the meadow with Jacob . . . well, there was no way I could have disguised the abyss I was plunging into now. How could I have explained the way I was fracturing into pieces, the way I had to curl into a ball to keep the empty hole from tearing me apart? (pg.235)

Bella, really? Cut it out. I’m getting tired of this.

While Bella is writing some bad poetry, suddenly PLOT TWIST Laurent steps out of the woods and Bella is, for some unthinkable reason, pleased to see him. Laurent is one of those vampires who wanted to play baseball. He went to live in Alaska to become a “vegetarian” but SURPRISE he isn’t a “vegetarian” anymore and OH NO he wants to eat Bella!

We know all this because Laurent spends 5 pages or so narrating his intentions and motives. It’s the same thing James did in the last book. Is this how Smeyer thinks villains speak? He explains how Victoria will be mad because she didn’t get to kill Bella and all this stuff that I bet you don’t care about and neither do I.

Anyway the bad writing makes Bella hear Edward’s disembodied voice again. Which is fantastic. He tells her to lie to Laurent about the Cullens. No problemo, Edward, lying is what Bella does best!

It doesn’t work very well, though, and just as Laurent is about to end our suffering by eating Bella, Bella is saved! By a bunch of wolves that are as big as horses. Smeyer says that. They are as big as horses. It wasn’t a bear killing people in the woods this time, and it wasn’t vampires, either. It was wolves. As big as horses. WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED.

FOR SOME REASON, when the reddish-brown wolf looks at Bella, she thinks of Jacob. Why oh why was this included. This is completely illogical save for the fact that Smeyer is obviously gleefully bludgeoning us with that foreshadowing thing again.

Bella is really confused that Laurent is afraid of five wolves that are as big as horses, and even more confused when the horse wolves scare Laurent away. The wolves leave, too, and Bella spends three pathetic hours trying to get out of the woods. Actually three hours.

At home, Charlie asks Bella what the fuck happened and why is she covered in scrapes and bruises and woods. For once, Bella doesn’t lie. Then again, I’m not sure what sort of story she could have made up to get out of this one. She tells Charlie that she went into the woods against his warnings, and that it isn’t a bear killing people, it’s wolves the size of horses.

So maybe the book is finally getting somewhere. Vampires are after Bella again, so the plot of the last book is being recycled, which is, you know, refreshing.


6 Responses to “Chapter 10: The Meadow”

  1. Katie February 15, 2011 at 1:33 pm #

    So glad to see another chapter review :D Your harsh and deserving criticism is a joy in my day :P

  2. servantoftheworld March 5, 2011 at 10:23 am #

    I find that I like Mojo Jojo from the Powerpuff Girls better than Laurent as a villian. At least Mojo Jojo had the decentcy to have his robots and lasers blow-up in an entertaining fashion. You could excuse Mojo Jojo when he explained his master plan because he said it in such a funny way. And you knew, at some point, something was going to explode or crash through a window.

    We don’t have such a luxury with Laurent. The only thing working for him are some awesome dreads. (And Meyer didn’t even mention his dread, did she? It was just in the movie adaption.)

    Great post, as per usual. :) Keep goin’!

    • Amy-jean March 6, 2011 at 1:36 pm #

      Oh my goodness, I would have never seen the connection between Mojo Jojo and Smeyer’s villains, but that is SO SPOT-ON.

      Yeah, those dreads are fierce. But I’m pretty sure he’s a white guy in the books, because as far as I know, Smeyer’s vampires are all white people, and if they weren’t white when they were human, they just become Caucasian when they transform anyway. It’s one of the more awkward Mormon-influenced things.

      • servantoftheworld March 6, 2011 at 8:54 pm #

        I think he is, too. It’s really wierd that all of them are white; I can so see Asian vampires, but they are no where to be found in the Meyerverse, as well as the other races. I live in a very, very diverse city. I’ve become so accustomed to seeing all the shades of the rainbow that I feel so incredibly out of place in a room full of only white people. (I’m white.) I don’t feel awkward while I’m reading because I just automatically assume that there are other races there.

        Well, you know what they say about assuming…

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