Chapter 11: Cult

In this Chapter of New Moon Bella continues to completely lose it, jumps to extraordinary conclusions, still cannot have a basic conversation even when she most needs to, and is once again blamed for something out of her control due to her possession of a vagina.

It seems several weeks (or possibly just one week) have gone by since Bella last saw Jacob. This is making her all kinds of crazier. She is having even more nightmares and hyperbolizing the abyss into which she is falling even more than usual. She copes by calling Jacob every half hour one day (truly, every half hour, from breakfast to bedtime), but no one picks up no matter how frequently and desperately she calls.

Bella says she is partly glad that Jacob isn’t around her because it means he is safe from the vampires that are once again following Bella, but she seems an awful lot more concerned about where Jacob is and what he is doing than she is about the high probability of being eaten by vampires at any time.

One day, Bella has a revelation about what happened to Jacob. He must have joined a cult! Bella saw a documentary about cults on PBS once so she knows this for certain. Shortly after, some men in white coats come to put a straight jacket on Bella and cart her off to the insane asylum with the rest of the Tinfoil Hat Brigade. Just kidding, Bella actually goes to call her Dad the Police Chief to report that Jacob has joined a Scary Evil Native Cult, and no hospitalization occurs (sadly).

Charlie practically tells Bella she is delusional and that Jacob certainly isn’t a cult, and that Sam Uley can’t be running a cult because he is a very nice man who does a lot to help the Native youth. Bella is not consoled. She launches a “rescue mission” to “kidnap” Jacob from Sam Uley’s “frightening, compulsory gang”. Seriously.

Driving into the Reserve, Bella meets Quil along the road, who magically justifies Bella’s erratic and illogical behavior. Quil is Jacob and Embry’s friend, in case you have forgotten. He says he’s really worried about Jacob, too, because he hasn’t left Sam’s side in ages. Why the hell aren’t the elders worried, Quil wonders.

A group of teens are hanging out A LOT! Something is DEFINITELY UP.

Bella drops Quil off (thanks for that pointless diversion, Quil) and decides she shall wait in Jacob’s driveway until Jacob comes home. Thankfully, it doesn’t take long.

Jacob has changed a lot. In good ways and in bad ways. The good part is that Jacob is a total fucking hunk of man. He’s grown some well-drawn abs and has cut his long hair short. The bad part is that he is basically Edward now. He’s sulky, moody, violent, mean to Bella, and utterly unable to communicate without first writing a soap opera.

Jacob is with Sam and the gang/cult/his friends, and Bella demands to speak with him alone. Jacob asks Sam for permission.

Sam nodded once, his face unperturbed. He made a brief comment in an unfamiliar, liquid language – I could only be positive that it wasn’t French or Spanish, but I guessed that it was Quileute. (pg.264)

Right! Because if it isn’t one of the two most common Romance languages, it MUST be Quileute!

Jacob and Bella go into the woods to talk, where they both have emotional fits. It’s basically a typical conversation between Bella and Edward. The same dramatics and dripping teen angst. Jacob says that what’s happening isn’t Sam’s fault. In fact, Sam is helping him, but he can’t say what is wrong. Bella says she wants someone to blame if she can’t blame Sam. Jacob pretty much says that he knows the Cullens are vampires and he hates them, and he hates that Bella loves them, and it is their fault. This revelation (or whatever it is) makes Bella start hallucinating again, and Edward’s disembodied voice tells Bella not to push Jacob too hard while she pries for information.

All I have to say about this is what the fuck is going on.

Bella asks Jacob if he is breaking up with her. Bella, that is not what is going on. Have you been paying attention at all to the last 200 pages?

The conversation gets nowhere, and eventually Jacob runs into his house and Bella drives home. Charlie is waiting for her. Billy called ahead to tell him that Jacob and Bella had a fight. Poor Bella really has no one left in the world now. Except her dad, but she hates him. I would really feel sorry for Bella if she wasn’t such an idiot. She’s too pathetic to pity.

Bella goes to have a shower, and when she returns downstairs she finds Charlie yelling on the phone to Billy. Billy blamed the whole event on Bella, saying it was her fault for making Jacob have an unrequited crush on her. Charlie is standing up for her, telling Billy not to be such a sexist jerk! YEP, STILL THE BEST DAD EVER.

The chapter ends with Bella hearing the sound of fingernails on her bedroom window in the middle of the night. Is it Edward? Is it a raccoon? Is it me? Find out next time on Girl & Twilight.