Chapter 4: Waking Up

Remember when that one chapter turned into a case study of Why Edward Cullen is a Terrible Person? This chapter is a case study of Why Bella Swan is a Terrible Person. Or, if you prefer, why Bella is the farthest thing ever from anything even resembling a feminist icon. Beyond that, some very strange things happen, and once again, I can literally not believe what I am reading.

Chapter 2: Stitches

In this episode of Girl & Twilight, Bella gets stitches. Despite the fact that there are copious amounts of blood gushing from Bella, she does not get eaten by her vampire friends. Instead, she and Carlisle have a chat that is one part interesting, three parts infuriating and ten parts Smeyer-needs-to-read-up-on-fantasy-lit-theory.

This entry is brought to you by Harry Potter.

Post-Twilight

I am 1/6 of the way through the Twilight Saga (for now… Smeyer better not write anything else). I’ve given myself a couple of days to think about the first book as a whole.

Chapter 22: Hide and Seek

I know I said I was going to get this one up quickly, but this chapter turned out to be difficult to write about. Some bad things happen, and I’m not too sure how I feel about Smeyer’s decision to make them happen. I’m pretty disturbed and uncomfortable about the whole thing.

[TRIGGER WARNING: towards the end of the review, description of gratuitous violence (no photos)]

Chapter 19: Goodbyes

I realize it’s taken me a while to write about this chapter. I’ve been putting it off. This chapter bothered me, and I wasn’t sure how to write about it. I’m not sure how I feel about what Smeyer is doing. On one hand, I’m happy there is finally a plot, but on the other hand, I feel very strange about the plot Smeyer chose. She’s the author, she is in charge of this. Anything could happen. And still, she chooses this?

It’s also bothering me that I am actually thinking this hard about Twilight.

[TRIGGER WARNING: victim blaming]

Chapter 17: The Game

Ah, the infamous baseball chapter. I’ve been looking forward to this one.

If you remember, one of the first things we learn about Bella is how much she hates sports (due to her clumsy disease) and how much she particularly hates baseball. Nevertheless, she decides to go watch Edward play vampire baseball.

Chapter 14: Mind over Matter

I am renaming this chapter, “How to Tell if Your Boyfriend is a Dripping Bag of Douche,” because seriously, they should give this out to girls when they hit puberty and tell them, okay kids, if a man does anything Edward does, stay far away from that man. Far, far away. Seriously, I thought I had dated some awful guys. I thought Chapter 13 was the penultimate of horrible, frightening prose.

That was before I read Chapter 14.

[TRIGGER WARNINGS: abusive relationship material (violence, stalking). Edward says some very, very fucked up things that may be triggering]

Chapter 11: Complications

In this episode of Amy-Jean reads Twilight, nothing happens. So I wrote a little play for you.

COMPLICATIONS

a play for the stage by Amy-Jean M, esq.

Chapter 10: Interrogations

In this chapter, we gather proof that Edward and Bella are the two creepiest individuals alive, so maybe they are made for each other after all, since I really don’t know who else would have them.

I can only assume that this is the set up for what will be the “plot” of the remainder of the book (of the series?): Edward and Bella’s creepy, manipulative, abusive relationship.

Chapter 8: Port Angeles

Before I begin, I need you to understand how angry this chapter has made me. It’s made me angry for several reasons. Mostly because I need no further proof that the relationship between Bella and Edward is so, so toxic and dangerous to any woman who reads this book thinking that this is an ideal love story.

[TRIGGER WARNINGS: discussion of rape (non-explicit; rape does not actually occur), rape culture, verbal abuse & abusive relationships]