Tag Archives: twilight

Chapter 9: Third Wheel

22 Jan

I’m back!

In this chapter of New Moon, Meyer picks up and drops variousĀ inaneĀ plot points that seem to go nowhere for pages and pages while Bella rapidly descends into legitimate insanity over her separation from Edward and her growing affection for Jacob. By legitimate insanity, what I mean is that it is my unprofessional opinion (based on my roommate’s copy of the DSM-IV) that Bella has a textbook case of Borderline Personality Disorder and should seek help immediately.

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Chapter 1: Party & Preface

13 Nov

I have a terrible confession to make.

I gave Stephenie Meyer my money. I feel very dirty about this, but it had to be done.

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Twilight Movie Video Review!

9 Nov

After three days of awkwardly filming myself and stitching the parts together in video editing software I had never used before, I present to you: my video blog review of the Twilight movie!

I’m really excited about this.

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Post-Twilight

3 Nov

I am 1/6 of the way through the Twilight Saga (for now… Smeyer better not write anything else). I’ve given myself a couple of days to think about the first book as a whole.

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Chapter 24: An Impasse & Epilogue

1 Nov

Here we are, kids. The end of Twilight. It’s not the end of this blog, though… I still have movies to watch, and the rest of the series to read. Here is what happens at the end of the novel. It is kind of longer than I thought (the epilogue is honestly another chapter) so I’ll have thoughts about the book as a whole posted before my movie vlog.

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Chapter 23: The Angel

27 Oct

In this chapter of Twilight… well, it’s 4 pages long. We’re at the climax of the story and this chapter is 4 pages long. Since everything that happens can be summarized in one sentence, all I can do is mercilessly pick apart all of the stupid contained in these four pages.

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Chapter 22: Hide and Seek

24 Oct

I know I said I was going to get this one up quickly, but this chapter turned out to be difficult to write about. Some bad things happen, and I’m not too sure how I feel about Smeyer’s decision to make them happen. I’m pretty disturbed and uncomfortable about the whole thing.

[TRIGGER WARNING: towards the end of the review, description of gratuitous violence (no photos)]

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Chapter 21: Phone Call

22 Oct

This chapter is basically the same as the last chapter: Bella sits in a hotel room and uses a phone. She misses Edward. Alice reveals something with her vampire future powers, and then the revealed event immediately happens. Smeyer expects us to be shocked and surprised and on the edges of our seats. We’re not.

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Chapter 20: Impatience

11 Oct

I’m not sure if “impatience” is the right word, but it’s something like that.

In this episode of Girl & Twilight, Bella sits in a hotel room in Phoenix, looks at a telephone, memorizes the patterns on the walls, eats a few pieces of fruit, whines, complains, blames herself endlessly, and suggests that she might actually die without Edward by her side.

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Chapter 19: Goodbyes

9 Oct

I realize it’s taken me a while to write about this chapter. I’ve been putting it off. This chapter bothered me, and I wasn’t sure how to write about it. I’m not sure how I feel about what Smeyer is doing. On one hand, I’m happy there is finally a plot, but on the other hand, I feel very strange about the plot Smeyer chose. She’s the author, she is in charge of this. Anything could happen. And still, she chooses this?

It’s also bothering me that I am actually thinking this hard about Twilight.

[TRIGGER WARNING: victim blaming]

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