Chapter 4: Waking Up

19 Nov

Remember when that one chapter turned into a case study of Why Edward Cullen is a Terrible Person? This chapter is a case study of Why Bella Swan is a Terrible Person. Or, if you prefer, why Bella is the farthest thing ever from anything even resembling a feminist icon. Beyond that, some very strange things happen, and once again, I can literally not believe what I am reading.

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Chapter 3: The End

16 Nov

Just in case you were too thick to catch onto Smeyer spoiling her plot at the end of the last chapter, she has titled this chapter The End just so we really know for sure that Edward is going to leave Bella before it actually happens. For good measure, Smeyer goes on for about 20 pages pretending that we’re going to be surprised.

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Chapter 2: Stitches

15 Nov

In this episode of Girl & Twilight, Bella gets stitches. Despite the fact that there are copious amounts of blood gushing from Bella, she does not get eaten by her vampire friends. Instead, she and Carlisle have a chat that is one part interesting, three parts infuriating and ten parts Smeyer-needs-to-read-up-on-fantasy-lit-theory.

This entry is brought to you by Harry Potter.

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Chapter 1: Party & Preface

13 Nov

I have a terrible confession to make.

I gave Stephenie Meyer my money. I feel very dirty about this, but it had to be done.

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Twilight Movie Video Review!

9 Nov

After three days of awkwardly filming myself and stitching the parts together in video editing software I had never used before, I present to you: my video blog review of the Twilight movie!

I’m really excited about this.

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Post-Twilight

3 Nov

I am 1/6 of the way through the Twilight Saga (for now… Smeyer better not write anything else). I’ve given myself a couple of days to think about the first book as a whole.

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Chapter 24: An Impasse & Epilogue

1 Nov

Here we are, kids. The end of Twilight. It’s not the end of this blog, though… I still have movies to watch, and the rest of the series to read. Here is what happens at the end of the novel. It is kind of longer than I thought (the epilogue is honestly another chapter) so I’ll have thoughts about the book as a whole posted before my movie vlog.

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Chapter 23: The Angel

27 Oct

In this chapter of Twilight… well, it’s 4 pages long. We’re at the climax of the story and this chapter is 4 pages long. Since everything that happens can be summarized in one sentence, all I can do is mercilessly pick apart all of the stupid contained in these four pages.

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Chapter 22: Hide and Seek

24 Oct

I know I said I was going to get this one up quickly, but this chapter turned out to be difficult to write about. Some bad things happen, and I’m not too sure how I feel about Smeyer’s decision to make them happen. I’m pretty disturbed and uncomfortable about the whole thing.

[TRIGGER WARNING: towards the end of the review, description of gratuitous violence (no photos)]

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Chapter 21: Phone Call

22 Oct

This chapter is basically the same as the last chapter: Bella sits in a hotel room and uses a phone. She misses Edward. Alice reveals something with her vampire future powers, and then the revealed event immediately happens. Smeyer expects us to be shocked and surprised and on the edges of our seats. We’re not.

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